That One Cash vs. Credit Commerical = A Lie.

You know that one commercial where it's like this hip cafeteria and there all these people just zipping along paying for their food with credit cards all quick, and then this one "total jerk" pays with cash and like, time stops, the line comes to a halt, and everything is totally logjammed?

It is a lie.

At least, it is a lie in the world that I live in. I just got through waiting in a line that was comically the opposite of the scenario that this commercial depicts. Cash? Ok, here's your change, here ya go, thanks, see ya. Card? Swipe. Cashier waits, as if to make it seem as obvious as possible that she is annoyed by the fact that she has to wait, she smacks her gum, rolls her eyes, rests her head on her hand. People next in line be all like "Can I pay while we're waiting for her card to go through?" The cashier's like "nuh-uh." And then finally, to save the day, a junky little receipt comes buzzing out of a junky little printer. Transaction complete!

I mean, I'm sure that it depends on the location, but cards are still slow and everybody knows it.
Who are they trying to fool? Cash is cool. Cash is fast. Cash leaves no trace. Cash is universally less annoying in pretty much 98% of the real-world transactions I can think of.

Plus, I just like paying with cash (and I like getting paid in cash). It just feels classy. It makes me feel like my money is dangerous. Did this legal tender come from a drug deal or a landscaping job? Did this bill come from a metal briefcase or from a ziplock baggie under his bed? It's mysterious and nice.

It's also really fun to have a bunch of one dollar bills because then you can make a joke about working as a stripper, even if it isn't true. When someone sees you with a large stack of one dollar bills, this joke works, EVERY SINGLE TIME. I think it might actually be the only joke that NEVER gets old. The more unlikely you are to actually work as a stripper, the better, especially if the person who hears the joke might have to touch the money later.

Everyone knows someone who is totally "cards only." We all know these people. They like to order stuff from catalogs. You might be one of these people. I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway: These people are kind of annoying. Get some cash! You will spend it! We live in America, it's OK, you're not going to get pick-pocketed at the market or nothin. Getting cash from an ATM is inconvenient? Guess what, so is wanting to go somewhere with your friends and then being all like "Oh wait, they don't take cards there, let's go somewhere else." Want to buy a tamale from a street vendor? You better get with it, dude. Your friends will hate you that much less the next time you can actually pay for a Sprite at the vending machine by yourself.

Anyway, I wish I could find that commercial on YouTube or something. It is really unbelievable. I wanted to yell at the screen when I saw it, because it is just such a lie. I mean, when you pay with a card, sometimes you even have to enter a PIN or sign a piece of paper! Who do they think we are?

UPDATE:
Aaaaaaaaand here's the video! Cousin Sarah to the rescue! Hooray.