Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dear Dotty Baby

Soundtrack for this post.

Dear Dotty Baby

Isn't it strange how things change? You met me at a time in my life when all I really cared about was my bike. I was too blind to see that you were such a flower, such a wonderful person. I appreciated that you looked after Speck while I was away. I learned a lot about myself when I was trying to find my bike, and I learned a lot about America. When I got back, I was actually glad to see you. I realized that all of that time I was chasing my bike, it wasn't just my bike that I was after. I mean, in some ways, my bike getting stolen was the best thing that could have possibly happened to me. It led to the movie, to making a lot of friends, to putting Francis Buckston in his place, a lot of obvious things, things that were manifest in the movie adaptation of my adventure, as well as things that did not come up at all in the movie. For example, the fact that I didnt know myself or what I wanted in life. The bike was kind of a symbol of the fact that I was holding on to childhood. It might not even really be right to say that I was holding on to childhood, as I had already lost it at such an early age. Growing up in the circus wasn't easy, but I now know that it was just one of the many events that has led me to the very good place that I am now. No circus, no collision; no collision, no settlement; no settlement, no time to find myself; no time to find myself, no big adventure, none of the big things that have happened with you. I'm a pretty luck guy. I have a house decorated with pretty much the coolest stuff ever, and I dont have to work for a living, I can ride my bike pretty much whenever I want, I can go to the magic shop, and I just have them put it on my tab. I even have a machine that makes me breakfast every morning! Yes, my life is pretty easy. And my next-door neighbor is really cool. I can live in my childhood, despite the fact that I am a grown man. People throw around the word "man-child" a lot, and although that sounds weird, I guess it is kind true.

So, maybe now you are finally realizing that I am not all I am cracked up to be. Yeah, I have an easy life, I have a lot of free time, I have a certain intensity that you probably found attractive initially, and I dont know, some people think I am pretty funny, although some people think that I am really annoying, or that I have an annoying voice, or that I am a little too intense in certain regards. Maybe because I am so childish, women want to mother me. I initially kept my distance because there were things about me that you couldnt, wouldnt and shouldnt understand.

I think what I like about you is that you are not boy crazy. You for some reason wanted to be with me because of me, and not because you needed a boyfriend. You could have gone on for the rest of your life doing what you do, but for some reason you saw something in me that you wanted. I was a condescending jerk who came into the bike shop and paid no mind to the fact that you were genuinely trying to get to know me. I was at the time very into the idea that I was both a loner and a rebel. Now I know that I am neither of these things, and I am actually happy that you have helped me to realize this.

I have something else I want to tell you, but I will do it in person when I see you at dinner later tonight.

Your little guy,

-Pee Wee


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