Dear Kobayashi-San

Dear Kobayashi-San
You were defeated by an American
On our equivalent of Cinco de Mayo
And vommed into your hands
And then tried to eat it
But whatever man
Your name is still synonymous with competitive eating
And although Kobayashi is the third most common last name in Japan
(It means "Little Forest")
Any person with the last name Kobayashi who visits America
Will have to explain that they aren't related to you, Takeru
And that they do in fact have a gag reflex
And that Joey Chestnut did not steal their family's honor
That alone is a HUGE accomplishment
Besides, you had arthritis of the jaw