What do you think? Is it possible that I could (in my sleep) successfully make a bag of microwave popcorn (listening until there are 2-3 seconds between pops) and eat the whole thing and then not remember any of it in the morning? I have reason to believe that this might have happened Sunday night/Monday morning.
I have a rich history of doing strange things in my sleep. I sometimes wake up with my head facing where my feet were when I went to sleep. I've woken up on the couch with no recollection of when I moved there. One time on the way home from Macrock I was sleeping on the floor of a crowded hotel room, there were already people sleeping on the beds, and when I woke up, I had wedged myself in between two people sleeping on one of the beds. Or there was the one time when a bunch of dudes from bands were sleeping on the floor after a show at Josh Quinn's house in Lansing, Michigan, and when I woke up, I was spooning one of the guys from Radio Rahim. Or the best was when I was 9 years old and we were staying in a hotel in Brown County and I while I was sleeping I had a dream that I was peeing, and when I woke up, I had wet the bed. There are many other stories like these, some too embarrassing to write, some too boring to mention, but they all lead to the same conclusion: I seem to be a very selfish, ridiculous, caveman-like person while I am sleeping.*
As far as eating, I have never before pinpointed a case of sleep-eating in my life, so this might be the start of a new thing. What's interesting about this popcorn thing is that not only did I wake up and make it, but I would have had to have stolen this microwave popcorn from my roommate, since I am currently out (although I like to keep this stuff in stock, nothing says "relaxin'" like a fresh bag of popcorn, and I guess I have been relaxin' a lot lately). When I woke up, there were all sorts of kernels stuck in my teeth, and I hadn't had any popcorn since Thursday, I believe.
Sleep-eating could be the next new thing for me. Miss a meal? No big deal, I'll get it when I fall asleep. Where did all the sour cream go? Hmm, I dunno, must have been eaten by Daddy Slumber Tummy. I have always kind of been slightly jealous of the irrational behavior that is (sometimes) afforded to drunk people, of the ability to do certain things that are stupid and then later not remember them or write them off as just drunken behavior. Since I don't drink, maybe this is my way of letting some irrational behavior get through the filters. But, here's the thing: My sleep-induced irrational behavior is totally lame. I mean come on, stealing, popping, and eating your roommate's microwave popcorn is pretty weak. It lacks the honesty of a drunk-dial, the agony of a bar fight, the story-ability of a bad tattoo, or the life-changing "oops" of an unplanned pregnancy. It only left me with a strange taste in my mouth and something funny to write a blog about.
SLEEP. The dimension of sleep has always been fascinating to me. I love to sleep, I love to dream, I love to wake up and for a moment not remember at all who I am or what bizarre sequence of events has led to me being who I am where I am when I am. During sleep, the brain takes a vacation from reality, and apparently my brain wanted some popcorn while it was on its vacation. Who wouldn't?
* I am also reported to be a teeth grinder.